can i say it sucks?

life is hard when you go from having a lot to having a little. it has been good for me to purge my collections though. in january i had over 300 dvds, now i’m down to about 150. i know that’s still a lot, but it’s hard for me to give things up. last year i had around 600 cds but most of those are gone now. i kept my worship stuff and my buffett collection for nostalgic reasons, but other than that it’s all gone. my ibook broke as soon as i returned home from the navy, along with my ipod. i sold all of my video games and systems before i left last fall. and i’ve been looking for a good job that pays well ever since i got home. my wife has been encouraging me to pursue some music gigs, as well as write a book on my time in the navy. as much as it sucked i do have some funny stories. i’ve yet to actually dig in.

needless to say, the one thing that has been constant in my life is my wife, jenefer. i’ve had a difficult time “seeing” what god is doing in our lives. mine in particular. we’ve been attending the central vineyard now for a few months and i love the church, but i don’t feel connected, so we’re going to try the small group thing. but really what i want right now more than anything is to know what god is doing… everyone tells me he’s doing something, but i can’t see it yet and it is so hard for me. it’s hard to be pinching pennies and wondering when you’ll find a job that brings home a decent income. i don’t want to be a millionare, i just want to pay my bills on time and provide for my little family. and god please help me not to take the little things for granted.